How To Stop Insecurity From Causing Bad Decisions – Ed Ferrigan

How To Stop Insecurity From Causing Bad Decisions

Insecurity haunts all couples. I will show you how to dismantle it...

Insecurity May Be Influencing You More Than You Know

In this article, you will learn about how insecurity influences decisions outside of your awareness.

We sometimes use words without pausing to reflect on what they mean.

Often, when we pause and think about what it means in the context of our life it can reveal awarenesses that make life easier.

For example, as a trauma release coach, I often hear the phrase “I feel insecure.”

What does this word mean or imply to you?

Scared, fearful, vulnerable, hesitant?

I think you would agree that feeling insecure causes us to make more mistakes and we send mixed signals to people. We feel less sure about ourselves and have an unclear bead on the best course of action. Our decisions are often not as solid.

Insecurity can be vaporized…

Today, I want to show you a tool I regularly teach people in my coaching practice. It will minimize the negative effects of how past memory may be influencing decisions.

When you practice it, it will quickly modify memories from the past that need to be updated.

Dismantling Insecurity: A Quick Tool To End The Curse of Memory Bias

These are the steps to follow that I’m going to share:

  1. Remember a situation where you felt insecure
  2. Pick a hand that symbolizes the experience
  3. Use the other hand to symbolize the way you want it to be

The goal in following these steps is to separate out the old way from the way you want it to be. Remember, the brain loves filing things in a bucket to separate ideas apart from each other. This exercise teases apart a default memory that is being activated from the way you want things to be in the future.

Let’s try it…

Pause for a moment and think of something that makes you nervous or evokes insecurity. It could be public speaking, interviewing for a job, the fear you won’t be able to pay bills this month etc.

Step 1: Identify Sensations Related to Fear

  • Now scan your body and notice where in your body do you feel sensations related to the thoughts?
  • Where is your breath?
  • What do you notice in your chest?
  • What do you notice in your solar plexus? (where the ribs come together in an upside down “V”)
  • What do you notice in your neck or jaw?
  • Simply scan and name the sensation.
  • Say to yourself, “This is what insecurity feels like in my body.” 

It’s good to note, we can’t change something until we completely “own” it and take responsibility for it.

For example: tight, queazy, tingly, buzzing, cold, sharp, ache and so on. Simply, breathe and “be” with those feeling without trying to change them.

Step 2: Pick a Hand

  • Now pick a hand that symbolizes those feelings. 
  • Take a moment to pause and feel all the feelings related to this insecurity. Stop yourself from”doing” anything with the experience you are having. Be with it…
  • In a future step, you will go back-and-forth between right and left hand evoking the feeling each hand symbolizes.
  • In your mind say to yourself “Okay, this is what “X” feel like when I tune into my body and don’t try to change my experience.

Step 3. The Other Hand

  • Now take the opposite hand as a symbol and start thinking about what is true, what you want it to be, and what is in your control.
  • Expand on this. Focus your mind on what success looks like. Focus on bringing in thoughts that describe the ideal outcome. Make pictures on what you want it to be like. Stop thinking the old thoughts that cause you to contract (the other hand) and instead, think of things that might be possible.
  • Notice how different you start to feel.
  • Go back and forth between these two experiences until you can clearly articulate what is different when you focus on the feelings of insecurityversus the feelings of what successlooks like.
  • With your thoughts, say to yourself “Okay, this is what “X” feels like when I focus on the new possibility.”
  • Now pendulate between them a few times. Maybe 5 seconds in the negative and 15 seconds in the positive. The key is to feel it to the point where you can easily distinguish the difference.

Learning To Break The Illusion

One key thinking pattern I see in people is they equate the past with the present. Another downside to our implicit memory system. They have self-defeating thoughts before they even give their ideas a chance.

This is the death march to disabling your ability to manifest.

Get it in your mind right now. Tattoo it into your eyelids if you have to.

Never forget we are creating machines. Everything you see around your home came from human beings creating things.

At some level, you contributed to that “product” being important just by purchasing it. You are part of the bigger whole.

We ALL have this potential when we break things down into small enough steps.

Don’t confuse old memories and beliefs with what is possible.

Make it a daily practice to give more attention to what you are wanting and how to break it down into small enough steps that you can easily move forward.

This process dismantles neuro-structures in the brain causing you to limit yourself.

Through this practice, you are rebuilding neuro-structures that will eventually become the default. Start today because it does take some time to re-wire yourself but it’s well worth it.

When you are fearful and practice this “hand” technique, something magical begins to happen.

You start to realize the mind and thoughts are what is causing limited thinking or fear.

With practice, you’ll want to put attention into what do you want.Give your fear some airtime but not much. Feel it, then as quickly as possible move into the zone of “what’s possible.” Get good at separating them out. The old from the new.

Let me know your thoughts about this by commenting below. And be sure to share this with your friends by clicking the share buttons to your left. It makes the world a better place.


Ed Ferrigan

P.S. Here is an exceptional tool to help you access the “old memories” that are negatively influencing you. [Go Here]

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Relationship expert, Ed Ferrigan, M.A., CPCC, has been helping singles, couples, managers, and teams break through limiting beliefs and communicate more effectively for over 23 years. Ed is author of the book 100+ Ways To Get Back On The Horse, facilitates workshops on communication skills and provides relationship coaching all over the world using web technology. Ed is a local resident of Salt Lake City, UT is an avid dancer, and enjoys fly-fishing.

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