With just a couple of simple practices you can end that dynamic forever...
Were your first few months amazing? Then, like out of no-where, you started second guessing if you are really in love or not? Maybe you are beginning to argue or maybe you or your significant other is distancing themselves...
You are not alone in this dynamic. Fortunately, science now knows why this happens and how to correct it. Keep reading this report to discover how you can have your ideal relationship and sustain the intimacy and trust that is needed to be stable long term. Im going to show you how I did it and showed several hundred other couples over the past 25 years.
In 1995, my mother passed away, and I went into a depression.
This was a major life event catalyst that motivated me to change.
Unfortunately, it sometimes it take a 2 X 4 across the forehead before we get it, right?
As we begin our exploration, there are some things to understand about how the unconscious mind works. (I promise you’ll learn a ton and it will be easy to understand)
When you repeat a pattern over-and-over again, it becomes engrained, or what we typically call muscle memory.
Between the ages of 0-7, we rely heavily on muscle memory.
Everything that crosses our path, especially situations that are emotional or scary, gets recorded in this muscle memory system.
The problem with this type of memory, also called implicit memory, is it has no date code or timestamp associated with it.
Even though the original event happened many years ago, that caused you to take on a particular coping pattern, when it get's triggered again with something even remotely similar, the brain literally thinks the same event happening again right now. It's almost like the brain is stuck on the "ON" position.
So when someone upsets you, you’ll typically default to this muscle memory system. You’ll default to the patterns you learned, maybe even when you were a month old. It all depends on your environment growing up.
All of your current communication patterns stem from these early patterns you adopted.
But here is the BIG problem that brings you here today…
Because you are on autopilot with these "muscle memories", the chances are pretty good you are not asking your partner for more information to make the best possible decision when conflict arises.
Instead, you are defaulting to the patterns that started a long time ago when your “fear brain” was highly active and cared little about details. You are pretty helpless when you are little, so your fear brain does the best it can unless your caretakers reassure you everything is okay.
As you can probably imagine, people fall on a spectrum between very reactive to not so reactive.
What made the difference? Why do some people react and others don't?
The primary caretaker.
If the primary caretaker understood what you needed and soothed you, you learned that even when life is scary, you’ll be fine. Over time, that pattern got wired into your nervous system through repetition.
In attachment psychology, we call this type of person a securely attached person.
The securely attached person has a default pattern or belief that assumes everything will work out fine.
Some people, however, are left to fend for themselves. The caretaker didn’t know what you needed to feel safe.
This causes the nervous system high stress.
...so it resorts to fear based coping mechanisms to resolve itself.
These people become insecurely attached because they don’t understand what predictable means.
Insecurely attached people stay stuck in a defensive fear based orientation to life. A common pattern is they will see life as an unsafe and unpredictable place. They will perceive relationships through this lens.
Guess what happens when we filter things through a fear-based lens? You probably guessed right. We shape the experience from a fear perspective rather than an optimistic possibility perspective.
What do you think would happen if the next time you got into conflict with your beloved, and your mind chatter was something like, “I wonder what amazing solution we could come up with here?”
When I was little, it was dangerous to tell the truth. I felt my life was in danger if I told the truth.
In my first marriage, I remembered lying once to my wife.
When I used the AWARE process, I could easily see why. I went back to her and shared that truth with her.
For a few hours she was great, but later she got furious as my unconscious anticipated. 🤣
Fortunately, by that stage in my understanding of how this new way works, I could allow her to be angry without choosing dysfunctional coping mechanisms to protect myself.
When you use the AWARE principles, you get far better results.
You will learn to make alternative choices moment-by-moment and rewire your response to life.
Your unconscious mind stops dictating your responses. Your conscious desires dominate and win out over habituated patterns.
One more thing that is useful to know about the brain is it likes what is familiar.
An onlooker may look at a pattern in another person and say, “Wow, that’s pretty crazy.”
But to the person who adopted that pattern, it works perfect for what they think is happening.
To them, their response or belief is familiar and predictable, so why change it? (This is where the AWARE program rocks.)
I often hear people groan when they attract someone, only to realize a few months in that they have attracted the best and worst of their parents.
The child that is insecurely attached will grow up with patterns of vigilance, controlling, maybe conspiracy oriented, will like rules that try to make life more predictable, and so on.
They may even want to be a police officer or military as a way of staying safe. (This is all unconscious to the person)
So what are the patterns that get insecurely attached people in trouble?
If you shut down during conflict, explode, or leave the room, that’s a pattern.
If you defend back to a person after you tell someone something they don’t like, that’s a pattern.
If you justify a bad habit, that’s a pattern.
If you betray your beloved, there is a pretty good chance you either saw that in your own family or are trying to resolve a previous betrayal to you.
If you get overwhelmed and confused easily, that’s a pattern.
If you tend to blame others when something doesn't go as planned, it's a clue you are defaulting to an unconscious pattern.
If you tend to race to the victim position and have a sense of helplessness when trouble arises or things take you by surprise, you are probably in a habituated fear based pattern that will always product bad results.
Chances are pretty good you learned those patterns early on.
The problem is, most of the time, these patterns are fear based. Things that happened to you a long time ago BEFORE you had good critical thinking skills.
And The Patterns Are Not Just Limited To Relationships
Being insecurely attached also affects our ability to trust ourselves.
It affects our ability to manifest what our heart desires, including partners, money, and grand lifestyles.
These unconscious patterns also affect good health!
Now that you have some background on how the brain-body adopts dysfunctional beliefs and patterns, you can see WHY the AWARE program is so valuable and works so well?
Only when you can tell a pattern is at work and either supporting you or derailing you, you can change it.
Only when you admit that something is not quite right, and take responsibility for it, can you change it.
We have to face our lives squarely if we want to change it.
We have to admit our wonky behavior or thinking if we want to change it.
We have to stop exaggerating when we feel insecure.
We have to stop the excuses when we don't deliver on what we promised.
We have to notice when shame is motivating us so we can reclaim our birthright and drop back in to who we are really meant to be.
Even today, after 25 years, I still see new patterns emerge I could not see before.
Humbling indeed.
But I continue to use the AWARE process to untangle unconscious patterns and commit to my new pattern.
The AWARE program is a reliable proprietary process that enables you to see what you are doing to contribute to the negative result that seems to keep repeating itself.
Take ANY issue in your life, run it through the AWARE process, and in time, your unconscious mind will hand you the pattern.
The more you practice, the quicker you’ll see what you are doing to contribute to the negative outcome you are getting.
The hard part is to keep stepping into your commitment once you see the pattern.
It’s VERY easy to slip back into the old pattern until you have re-wired your habit.
Your brain needs to first know and trust that the new way works.
Today, our society has been trained for fast fixes.
Unfortunately, the brain doesn't work well with quick fixes. It wants reliable patterns to guarantee our survival.
After all, when you were little, the original pattern guaranteed your survival.
Let’s look at an example, how we used the AWARE process in a real world situation.
Michelle called for a session, wanting to resolve her tendency to make her beloved wrong for his laziness in learning better communication skills.
While he regularly promised he would learn them, he didn’t. Instead, his tendency was to gas-light her.
He would say things to reverse the issue, act like he was innocent, and that she was actually the problem.
That caused her confusion. She started second guessing herself. Using the AWARE process she could easily see it was a pattern her mother would use with her growing up.
This patterns started a downward spiral that would go on for weeks.
During our session, I asked her to tune into her body (think of your body as the unconscious mind) and to tell me what she was feeling as she thought about her situation.
She reported many things back, but one thing that caught my attention was her stomach pain.
She described two places in her stomach that got my attention.
As we began processing the emotions and pain behind it, we activated to the original state of the experience she had.
In other words, we activated her memory system.
Some background may help here…
When she was first born, she had two hernia’s. The doctors had operated on her without anesthesia.
Can you imagine?
As we pulled the string on these old memories, we re-processed the emotions as taught in the AWARE program. She cried and screamed her way through the pain that was still stuck in her body.
I had her look right at the imagined doctors and tell them her truth regardless of the imagined consequences (from a baby’s perspective, this would be helplessness, and fear of death).
Watching the imagined doctors’ faces made her realize they were not intentionally being mean, but wanted to help her.
Michelle missed this information when the event first happened. Her brain needed this information to find completion and to restore her vitality and sense of agency.
In time, the energy from this preverbal experience was no longer stuck, and she felt a full-bodied sense of relief.
When we circled back to what her boyfriend was doing, she no longer felt anger and the blame-victim energy behind it.
She could now make her request to him from a clear perspective and not tainted by her unresolved past.
She learned she was projecting the shock, helplessness, anger, and fear of abandonment she felt at the doctors for hurting her during the operation at birth.
Michelle learned that her brain literally had transferred that situation onto her boyfriend in an attempt to resolve the original trauma at birth.
Once we re-processed the feelings and moved the stuck emotions through her body so the energy was not stuck, her entire nervous system changed. Her belief system changed as well because we brought in new information.
This is the beauty of the AWARE process.
It shows you a step-by-step way to identify any place in your life where you are getting less-than-optimal results and a way to “unpack” what may go on unconsciously in you.
Anyone can use it, and with a little practice, you too will quickly process old memories, decide what you want instead and learn to CREATE what you want rather than to be held hostage by memories of the past directing you unconsciously.
Over the past few weeks, I expanded the program.
I created videos for each step of the process.
I explain step-by-step and how to do the practice exercises in a video.
There is a workbook to write what you discover for yourself. You can print out this workbook any time you want help sorting the situation out.
I can assure you with a couple weeks of daily practice, you'll do the process very quickly in your head.
There is also a feedback button for what worked in the video and where you may still be confused.
In time, I will adjust the video lessons to accommodate optimal learning based on your feedback.
You can be part of this new project and get in at an extraordinarily low price.
You will be part of the first group to gain the benefits of the AWARE process and to help it evolve in time.
In time, you will also get additional bonuses and videos.
If you are interested in this process that can give you a head-start to change what is going on in your life, click the link below.
If in 30 days you are not completely satisfied, (be sure to give it an honest effort) I will not only refund you, I will allow you to keep the program.
This is an offer only for CHARTER members, after we have vetted the process through the majority of feedback and the bonuses are completed the price will go up.
One more thing...
You are part of the future of this planet. We are in troubling times, as you already know.
We need ways to find peace and resolution to the emotional turbulence.
The more people who follow this process, the smarter and more competent the world will be in solving its current issues that are anchored in a lot of insecure people and energy that is stuck in the body causing poor decisions.
Neuroscientist estimate the average person is on autopilot 85-95% of every decision they make.
Let's not let that be you. 🤗
To join us, click the yellow button below and I will see you in the portal.
Infinite blessings in whatever direction you choose.
Ed Ferrigans 🙏
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AWARE is a process that has been refined over 25 years that eliminates trial and error. Most people’s issues in life, especially unconscious blocks, are related to their early life experiences that caused trauma, certain beliefs about how life works, and just plain old bad habits. These patterns need to be updated. The AWARE process cuts through the chase of doing years of therapy and purchasing books or programs in this endless quest to stop the madness. Practice the 10 steps over and over again, ask your questions in the private upCoach group and watch what happens as you refine it for yourself.
See how your brain works? If this is a question that interest you then you are witnessing first hand how your brain uses fear to motivate itself. Whether it be AWARE or any other program, until you actually give it a good try you will never know. What actually matters is a person's commitment to making it work.
Yes and no. Like anything in life, everyone learns in slightly different ways. I also know the brain has a way of finding flaws in everything. After 25 years of witnessing how my mind works, I no longer trust it about thoughts that seem to be motivated by fear. What I do trust is my witness. The part of yourself you will learn about in the AWARE program. When you really get acquainted with your own “Witness” part of yourself you’ll see the magnitude of how you can jump to conclusions so fast that’s it’s pretty scary. If you are anything like me, I now wonder how I have gotten as far as I have in life. 😀
This process is so valuable I believe it’s actually priceless. I expect the eventual price to be around $149. My intent is to get feedback from people on the process in its current form. I will then produce more videos and written content to enhance it. Having a place to go to to ask questions about the tool uses my time and energy. I need to make a living as well. People doing coaching with me will accelerate their coaching so there is a savings there as well. The current charter price is a gift when you think long term how you will benefit from it. Again, until you experience it, you wont know. If it saves your relationship someday, what price is that worth to you? If it saves a friendship or your job or helps you to remove a block you cannot see that’s been stopping you from growing your business, what is that worth to you? Hopefully, you get my point. Look beyond the price, use the tool, and watch. Remember, if you truly believe it was NOT worth what I’m asking then ask for a refund before 30 days and keep the program. At some point in life, I truly believe you will see it’s value and benefit, so I am willing to risk that for anyone interested.