Partner Attraction: Here’s The First Step

Ed Ferrigan Relationship Coaching beach couple partner attraction

When it comes to partner attraction there are many fundamentals that need to be in place to increase your odds.

Relationships have many dimensions and many books have been written with enough strategies to fill a swimming pool.

So without wasting precious time lets look at the first step to partner attraction.

After 20 years of experimenting, not only with myself and clients, it is obvious the first step is to be clear what relationship success looks like to you.

If you don’t know what success looks like your partner attraction game plan will fail and and you’ll continue to unconsciously blame things outside of yourself for the results.

Notice I said unconsciously? That is the magic of relationship visioning.

When you do it, it automatically “flushes up” anything in you that is contradictory to what your vision is.

Yep! Its the best tool in the world to see what you believe or are afraid of unconsciously – that you were unaware of.

Partner attraction is increased when you have a clear understanding of what it means and looks like to be with a partner you adore, can get along with, meets you halfway, and invites long term security through their actions.

While its not the only thing you need to do to attract Ms or Mr right if I had to pick one thing it would be this!

So if you can agree for now lets continue…

Lets look at 3 essential actions that you can do right now to make sure your vision is working for you.

Partner Attraction Visioning Step 1:

First write a couple paragraphs describing what your ideal relationship would look like.

Describe what you are doing day-to-day, how you speak to each other when differences arise, how well both of you communicate needs, and what you have in common.

Partner Attraction Visioning Step 2:

Now, word it in the positive. Go back through your vision and remove anything that is negative and replace it with what you want – not what you want to avoid.

For example: If you wrote “They are not mean to me when things don’t go their way”… you’d reword that to say “When I disagree with them they are curious about my perspective and use interested tone that shows respect for me.”

Get the idea?

Partner Attraction Visioning Step 3:

Here's the secret sauce folks...

Make a list of past relationship problems and write those in the positive then include them in your vision.

Let’s say you’ve had a problem interrupting your partner when they are sharing. You would write that down on a separate piece of paper then reword it to the positive.

Something like “I notice when my partner is sharing something that is important to them and I suspend any opinions until they are complete or Im starting to lose track of what they are saying. When I do share I great at hearing the essence of what they are needing and I communicate that back to them to confirm”

Now add that to your vision statement.

Understand what I’m doing here?

The goal is to take any past blindspots that have gotten you into trouble and put those into your vision statement so you hold yourself accountable for cleaning those up.

Works like magic and accelerates your confidence and makes you more magnetic for your partner attraction game-plan.

Let’s summarize

  • The first step in our partner attraction plan is to write a vision statement
  • This vision statement should be worded in the positive to program our unconscious
  • In the vision statement I want to include my historical “blind spots” from previous relationships so I can counter them and develop new habits

Now, you may be noticing a theme here in the focus of all my articles.

What is critical for success to happen is taking personal responsibility for your thoughts, perceptions, choices and actions – even if when you were little you got pickled in bad juju!

Always remember, when you stop taking personal responsibility you’ve given up your power!​

...when you stop taking personal responsibility you’ve given up your power!​

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That's it for today!​

Please let your friends know about this article by this using the share buttons to your left.

That way others can benefit and I remain motivated keep producing solutions for you and others who need them. 🙂

Write your comments and questions below to encourage others to engage in a dialogue about this subject. It really helps people to sort better when others share in their relationship challenges.

Finally, let me know what you think about these tips and what other ones you want… Ed


Relationship expert, Ed Ferrigan, M.A., CPCC, has been helping singles, couples, and teams in organizations communicate more effectively for over 20 years. Ed is author of the book 100+ Ways To Get Back On The Horse, facilitates workshops on couples communication and provides relationship coaching all over the world using web technology. Ed is a local resident of Prescott Valley, Az, is an avid dancer, and loves fly-fishing.

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Bodil - September 12, 2015

Hi Ed, long time no see! This is a really nice website, Congratulations.
What if I do not have a partner, but would like to know what to do or look like to get
attracted to a nice guy? Most guys says that I am too independent or intellectual and they want a woman they can control/command, which are actually the words they use.
What can I do. Most men also want much younger 10 to 25 years younger, so the women my age have no chance – it is my experience too.

    EdFerrigan - September 13, 2015

    Hi Bodil, here’s a thought… when someone says that frame it this way. Something they are picking up on about the other person is making them activated in some way. Anxious or what have you. Instead of them “owning” their experience and inquiring into it, there is a tendency for humans to think it is the other person causing the problem. It never is. (Im talking about relationships now not a person out to purposefully hurt someone.) So what to do if a person does this to you? Turn it to your advantage. Inquire into that comment. Ask them if they can articulate what you do that makes them have the thoughts they have. Then you get to decide if it’s a clue to pay attention to or to ignore it. Try it and let me know what happens next time.The other thing I will say is embrace who you are fully and love it or change it. Then make yourself available.

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