Family Therapy: Try Family Constellation First

by Ed Ferrigan Relationship Coaching family constellations and family therapy

​Our biases can get in the way of efficient and effective family therapy. Using family constellations first to assess your situation is an excellent way to get an insight into what is actually mobilizing the core problem.

In this video I discuss how a person who has biases about family constellations before she has even tried them stays stuck in a – going on 4 year – dynamic of not being able to sell her home...

The challenge for all of us is to stay open and follow our intuition and heart. I believe the cleaner we are psychologically the clearer our intuition is. If we have unconscious biases we slow our progress down. This monologue gives some insight as to how to over come this dilemma.​

Family Constellations Keys Video Time: 11 minutes long​
Family Constellations Video Transcript

So I want to just share it. I was talking to a lady and she said... Somebody mentioned family constellations and they looked at her and she said "no I have not been called to those yet".

...You can look at it from the perspective of she doesn't know how to apply family constellations maybe. That is one option. Another option might be that she is not receiving the information that is possible for her to understand like how to use constellations when people are talking about her when we are sharing or just energetically what does it represent for me? Because I'm in the field of energy right when we are talking about it.

You know, they always say the teacher shows up right when you need him. Well, I actually believed teachers always there. It's when we are ready to receive the information that it starts happening.

Okay. I just want to talk for just a moment about receiving information. (Could you verify that is recording. Just the red dot is on. I have a short memory sometimes okay.) Time: 02

It occurred to me this is several things that are happening in the field of energy that I'm trying to create when we are doing constellations. One of them is creating a field of stillness, of quietness. So we are available to receive the information. Where available to hear the information that is coming through. Most importantly to feel the information. When we are born into this world we are sensory beings.

That means everything is felt. It is a felt sense. Then certain aspects of my brain start coming online and we start assigning language to things.

So the brain is picking up all of this information that is going on. He's trying to organized and in the first three years of life that information gets stored in the implicit memory system. That means it is implied that that is the way life works to that individual. That child that individual as they get older.

This is the key to what start showing up later in life when we don't understand what things keep turning out the way the way they turn out. Whether it is through a relationship, a job securities or insecurities. Whatever it might be.

These initial key years are were that imprint comes from. Time: 04 That starts setting things in motion. That saying my needs were even get met or they will not get mad. I can be correlated later on over and over again with people that have a hard time with careers jobs with relationships that do not last in these kind of things.

One of the goals of this work is to open up while you fear to be receptive of new information that is coming in out of we do that? Well, one of the ways is to feel in your body. Because if somebody, you know, pick Robert, let's say he has never done a constellation.

He's standing there and all of a sudden he can feel himself going numb or at getting really happy or getting really sad. There is a feeling that goes with that information...

That is the first layer. First notice that you're having an experience. Then ask yourself the question how my contributing to this? Now that can be I'm adding words that make it better or worse.

Time: 06 If you are... Especially if you are unhappy about the current situation that you are in. Or somehow the way I am perceiving it in the way that I'm managing it in my mind is organizing it in such a way that it is causing me to be resistant to that person or to that experience.

The key is to discern between what is that a healthy thing to do and when is it in the way. Right?

...That curiosity opens a portal to new information coming in. All of trauma and all the work that I've done in somatic experiencing and some other programs point to this as a key marker for healing ANY trauma.

Time: 08 I believe our soul wants to express itself so it starts moving information through us to reveal so that we understand where to go next. ...So, so that take away that I want you to get is what | how do I stay open to new information in the moment not only here but in my life?

How do I stay open to that? Now what do I do with that information? How do I orientate, again that is a key word here. How do I orientate myself in that moment to receive the information while I am not getting to triggered to activate it.

Therein lies the work. Because when we are triggered it is like a freight train. Does everybody agree with that? You know they just start coming on stronger and we need a way to see that in slow motion to organize it differently to really interrupt that. That starts giving us our power back. Okay?

Time: 10 ...You don't have to agree with them. Don't mix the two up. I'm just asking you to take on a perspective and say. Let me get this straight you think in this way and I think this way. in this way no one gets to be wrong hopefully in this situation right? That way you are training your mind to be open moment by moment. That is the goal. That is consciousness. Okay? The skill is to practice openness all the time like where my resistant to the moment right this moment.

Does that make sense?

EdFerrigan

Relationship expert, Ed Ferrigan, M.A., CPCC, has been helping singles, couples, and teams in organizations communicate more effectively for over 20 years. Ed is author of the book 100+ Ways To Get Back On The Horse, facilitates workshops on couples communication and provides relationship coaching all over the world using web technology. Ed is a local resident of Prescott Valley, Az, is an avid dancer, and loves fly-fishing.